


Bunnies

by PetrichorPerfume



Series: Shenanigans [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: A five dollar whore, Adam has a headache, Adam has a normal penis, Bunnies, Crack, Gabriel thinks Lucifer is a whore, Lucifer doesn't understand the subway song, Lucifer's Footlong, Lucifer's is named Jesus, M/M, Michael is a beast with a bic, Multi, So is Sam's
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-08 22:25:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1958385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam hadn’t screamed. Michael hadn’t screamed. They’d just dusted the bunnies off their bed – well, Michael had painstakingly lifted each one and cooed at it and Adam had more or less shaken them off the duvet, but he thought that ‘dusted’ was a nice verb – and gone to see what the others were screaming about. Sometimes Adam thought they were the only normal ones. He looks over to his mate with a fond smile. It quickly becomes a look of disgust when he sees Michael, Angel of the Lord, wearing a bunny on his head and diligently taking down The Minutes as Dean continues to scream for a tenth minute straight. He briefly conjures up an image of Michael’s clipboard filled with little Deans falling off cliffs and being eating by sharks and saying ‘ahhhhhh, f***ing bunnies,’ or something to that effect as he dies and Castiel brings him back to life again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bunnies

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Blasphemy.

Adam has a headache. It’s bad enough that Dean had called a Family Meeting – they only called Family Meetings to yell at each other – but then there was the matter of the bunnies (A.K.A the subject of the Family Meeting) and the fact that he’d woken up to screaming.

 

Dean had started screaming first, followed by Cas, who was only screaming because Dean was screaming, followed by Sam, who was screaming for the same reason Dean was screaming, followed by Lucifer and Gabriel, who took advantage of the situation and decided to try to out-scream each other for the fun of it.

 

Adam hadn’t screamed. Michael hadn’t screamed. They’d just dusted the bunnies off their bed – well, Michael had painstakingly lifted each one and cooed at it and Adam had more or less shaken them off the duvet, but he thought that ‘dusted’ was a nice verb – and gone to see what the others were screaming about. Sometimes Adam thought they were the only normal ones. He looks over to his mate with a fond smile. It quickly becomes a look of disgust when he sees Michael, Angel of the Lord, wearing a bunny on his head and diligently taking down The Minutes as Dean continues to scream for a tenth minute straight. He briefly conjures up an image of Michael’s clipboard filled with little Deans falling off cliffs and being eating by sharks and saying ‘ahhhhhh, fucking bunnies,’ or something to that effect as he dies and Castiel brings him back to life again.

 

Sam and Lucifer aren’t even pretending to pay attention. Sam has his hands down Lucifer’s pants and Lucifer has his hands down Gabriel’s pants, but Gabriel is for once more interested in other things (namely, other bunny things) than sex. Michael and Castiel are the only ones actually listening to Dean, although at this point he suspects that Michael is just thinking of clever ways to kill Dean without Cas noticing and Castiel is playing a mental-dress up game with Dean as the sole subject.

 

Adam is trying to come up with a way to escape without anyone noticing, but his non-existent invisibility powers don’t seem to be working at the moment.

 

“Bunnies,” Dean shouts. “Blah, blah, bunnies! Buh-buh-buh- _hunnies_ -“ In Adam’s mind, Dean’s voice fades away into oblivion.

 

Finally, Castiel decides to interrupt. “I don’t see why you have such a problem with them, Dean. You didn’t mind it last night when I was fucking you with our rabbit vibrator.”

 

Dean sputters. Lucifer falls off his chair laughing and manifests a super-sized rabbit vibrator into Dean’s hand. Gabriel briefly looks up from petting his bunny to join his brother’s merriment. “Cockslut,” he teases.

 

“Like you’re not,” Dean counters. “At least I don’t take it up the ass from _Satan._ ”

 

“How many times do I have to tell you that I prefer _Lucifer,_ the Dark Lord, or, _oh, Luci, fuck,_ yes _, right there!_ ” He throws his head back and moans as he starts to hump Sam. He fakes an orgasm and gasps, “Oh, Sam, you leave me so satisfied, marry me!”

 

“You need my blessing first!” Dean says, quite irrationally in Adam’s opinion.

 

“Technically, since Lucifer is the submissive in the relationship, they need _my_ blessing,” Michael says absently as he doodles furiously on his clipboard.

 

“I like big cocks and I cannot lie,” Lucifer says. “Sammy is the second biggest out of all of us. I’m the first, naturally. “When I walk into the subway station, they ask me how much my foot-long costs.”

 

“At which point you say five dollars like a fucking whore,” Gabriel mutters, still petting his bunny. (At this point it looks more like a kitten with a mermaid tail, but that’s beside the point.)

 

“Yeah, plus you’re like, eleven and a half, tops,” Sam adds.

 

Lucifer gasps and looks offended. “Am not!”

 

“Trust me, I measure everything that goes into my ass. That... Came out wrong. And so did that.”

 

“That’s not even how it works!” Adam interrupts. “The commercial is about Subway the restaurant, not random subway stations around the country! And Subway’s foot-longs are only ten and three quarters of an inch, anyway.”

 

“You’re one to talk,” Lucifer counters. “What are you? Six inches? _Maybe_ seven?”

 

“That’s a normal sized dick! You’re all just abnormally large.” He starts to pout. When Michael doesn’t immediately fly to his rescue, he kicks the oldest archangel. Michael just gives him a distracted drawing and goes back to recreating full-color 15th century Christian masterpieces (Adam can see what he’s doing now quite clearly now) with a Bic.

 

“Yeah? And can you please Mikey with that ‘normal sized’ cock of yours? He needs a _real_ man in his life.” With that, he pulls Jesus. (Adam will never understand why he chose to name his cock after the Son of God. But, hey, he _is_ the devil.)

 

Then the screaming starts again and Adam reacquaints his forehead with the wood of the table. Once he figures out that no one was creaming – sorry, screaming – because of the second coming of Jesus that day, he deems it safe to lift his head. He finds Castiel fucking Dean with the huge rabbit vibrator Lucifer had created earlier and groans. So _that’s_ why they’d been so quiet when the rest of them were talking about dicks.

 

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Gabriel says. Lucifer smacks him and Gabriel smacks right back. It develops into a full-on pissing match until Sam pulls out his own cock (also named Jesus by Lucifer, because apparently the devil liked to scream out his Father’s Son’s (wouldn’t that make him his brother?) name during sex.)

 

Michael throws him his perfectly painted copy of the Annunciation onto the table and leers at Adam. “Let’s have sex,” he says bluntly.

 

“You’re so romantic.”

 

“Please,” Michael whines. For the most powerful archangel of all time, he’s one needy son of a bitch.

 

Adam stands. “So not in the mood right now.”

 

“I’ll rim you.”

 

Adam starts to strip. “Done.”


End file.
